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theincredibleblogofmitch36
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Name: Mitch
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Gender: Male
Interests: PMK, Combo, Chicago Cubs, making movies, Florida, and days off of school
Expertise: piano, trumpet, photograpy, being stupid/antisocial, sucking at math, making movies, being a Cubs fan
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Mitchbulls
Member Since:
1/16/2005
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| So the title's just a bit of something I've been thinking about lately. I spend a lot of time worrying if something is the best possible option or if something is flawless. but life can be amazing, if you just take advantage of opportunities and enjoy the amazing parts.
On a less general/less-widely applicable scale, I wasn't happy with the dvd cover, but it's still really good, even if i could've changed things.
On a different note, I feel so lucky because of some of the people that have been in my life lately. Although I fear it's sort of a superficial satisfaction, my weak attempt at staying young and holding onto high school instead of becoming someone new and finding different people. There are so many wonderful people around me that I wish I could spend forever with, especially today, as well as last weekend with the kids from musical. I mean life's not perfect here, I still have family-type conflicts and i don't like everyone and not every situation's exactly as i'd like it, but on the other side, i feel like everything that i could ever want is right within my reach here at home. old, established friends, new acquaintances that i could spend ages talking to and getting to know, and everything in between. I just wish things didn't have to change and I wish that everyone didn't want to change so desperately and that the things i love in life could stay the way they are. I know there's more to life than just high school, but I can't ignore the fact that everywhere I go here at home, there are numerous people that i love to be around and that mean a lot to me. And when I went away to school, I couldn't find anyone that understood me or that i clicked with or that became an important, positive person in my life or any of that. What's the point in growing up/apart if everyone/everything i need is right here, and there was nothing for me when i went away to school?
Just a note, I understand that a lot of it is superficial, that much of "being loved" is really just the "fame" (if you want to call it that) of being in high-profile leadership positions at prospect and that very few people are personally close to me just because of being friends, but it still means something to have my presence appreciated (no matter what level) and have people to be around etc etc.
I wish this summer would never end, or at least that I would learn to appreciate it more while it was here. But I'll just have to block out the fact that last school year ever happened and try to make a worthwhile life even when I'm away from here.
Life is about being amazing. | | |
| Everything a person does, no matter how "good" or "genuine" or "selfless" an action may be, is in some way self-serving and provides some sort of benefit for his or her self. I put those words in quotation marks because those are labels that we apply to actions to categorize them based on the type of motive associated with said action. Now there are exceptions, things done out of habit (arguably) or things done by involuntary muscle control, but essentially all choice-based actions can eventually be traced back to some sort of self-based motivation. If someone does something "good," they acted in order to feel morally sound and to reduce cognitive dissonance, someone who is "genuinely good" acts in order to make others happy and to be able to feel internal happiness as a result of the happiness of others. Now I don't say this to claim the imperfections of the human race or to try and establish some great cynical truth about us all, but rather as a means for understanding:
Every action or decision has some sort of purpose or motivation, and once we understand this reality, we can begin to understand what makes people tick and why they come to the conclusions they do. | | |
| But part of me needs a break from the same small selection of people and the same things they do that I find stupid. So I think things are working out perfectly. The satisfaction having people that miss you, and also getting to step back and gain some fresh perspective. I think I'm in a good place right now, metaphorically speaking lol
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| I just said goodbye to my one good friend from college. I've met a lot of people, but there's no one else that I would consider "close" to me. It's been a rough year, and I haven't really been able to fit into the whole social thing, but she and I still managed to become decent friends. We talked for awhile tonight after dinner, the way used to talk back in the "good old days" of 5 months ago, and it was really nice. I feel like we're finally close to being the kind of friends that we were supposed to be, or that we were on track to being earlier in the year.
"...so give me a hug cause who knows when I'll see you again" didn't really sink in for me until after I was already walking away. And then it hit me, that I would not see this person again for a very long time. I was leaving her, she would be inaccessible to my visiting and such for over 8 months. That's a very long time. I thought about how I always would think "oh next time I'll talk about this," or "maybe I'll see her [somewhere]." But now there is no 'next time', at least not in the foreseeable future. And then I thought about it, and realized, hmm it's no big deal really. It's just like college in general, how every day I looked to the next day and thought, "maybe then" "maybe this will happen" "maybe next week". And now there is no more "next". Again, at least not for now. There's an ending. And something different. A new situation that is completely irrelevant to and unconcerned with my present environment. And it's not so much a horrible thing as it is just tough to know what to do with that reality. What do I do now? I just go over there and be someone else. It's all very weird.
And I feel like I should've come up with a better farewell than just "bye!" Some thank you or thesis statement or tie-in to the greater life lesson. But it just didn't seem like it was worth all the pomp and circumstance. And I still don't think it is worth all that. It's just weird.
That's all it is: weird.
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| I'd like to apologize to my roommate for the stuff I've said about him on my xanga this year. It was immature on my part and the internet is never the place to discuss issues you have with people, regardless of whether they end up aware of it or not. So I realize I was very wrong and I am sorry for writing stuff about you in the manner that I have this year. You'll never see this or what I wrote, but I'm sorry.
So Mitch, what prompted this apology:
I found some mean stuff that was written about me on Twitter. I'm so angry, and I'll avoid talking to this person if at all possible for the rest of my life, but I have no right to be angry. I did the exact same kind of thing to my roommate, so it's only fitting that eventually it comes back around to bite me. I guess the only difference is that the stuff written about me was just judgmental without being anything that directly impacted the person, whereas I guess my rants towards my roommate were more driven out of anger that I had no control over my environment and that I didn't like what I had to endure. And their posts were hypocritical. Doesn't make a difference though, it's still rude for me and for the tweeter.
I hope that now I've finally learned my lesson. You never post anything negative about anyone online unless you would be ok with them reading it. (My roommate hasn't read what I wrote, but doesn't make it right). After my negative comments about how the Hersey Band handled U of I in '06, and now karma coming back to get me with my roommate, I really hope I never do something stupid like this again.
Today was an awful day. I felt like crap all day, hated my life all day, hated u of i all day, hated certain people at u of i all day. Wanted to hurt those people physically. And then after I thought the day had had its fill, I found the posts on twitter that I clearly wasn't supposed to find. And that ruined any chance I ever had of feeling ok about myself this year. It just made everything so much worse. On the bright side it's nice to feel bad because of external factors instead of my own internal thinking, but I still feel horrible. I hate my life, but I can't get away from anything until after this week. There's so much standing between me and relief. Because I can't let my guard down for one second while I'm on campus. I've had to be on guard for the last 9 months. And it's so difficult.
Please, no comments on this one people. I appreciate the thought but I don't want to know people's opinions right now. I mean it.
Peace.
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